The care and feeding of a substitute teacher

At the one year anniversary of my retirement, DH and I sat down to take stock of our financial situation. I discovered, to my disappointment, that we were not where I thought we were on our financial road. I had not adjusted my spending to match our reduced income (imagine that!) and we had used more from our savings "envelope " than I had realized.  If we wanted to continue to travel with our still working friends, I would need to find a way to add to our income stream.

While I love my quilting business, it doesn't really result in much income. The general public doesn't understand the costs involved in making a quilt so my profit margin is slight. If I charge what a quilt is actually worth in materials and labor, I have little or no business.  So in order to have some business, I charge less than I should.
 

Now what to do to add to the income?  Retail? Nope.....don't want to work nights and weekends.  Public library work? Same thing, nights and weekends.  Childcare?  Nope....only if it is Mr. Perfect or his equally perfect sister and I could not charge to care for these perfect babies.  And the whole idea of working is to earn some money.  Fast food?....you must be kidding!  Too out of shape to get into the fitness business.  Not even gonna consider cleaning houses when I have a domestic goddess that does that for ME!  What am I trained and qualified to do? That's it...I'll register as a substitute teacher in my former school district. (I do miss being around the kids so it's a win-win.)
 

I made all of the right calls, filled in all of the paperwork (not easy to remember some of that 40 year old information), and finally got approved to be a substitute.  At first I intended to only sub for the librarians in my former district but these ladies are a healthy group and the calls just weren't coming in so I decided to venture into the classroom. Of course, I set some limits for myself....No kindergarten, first grade or pre k; No math!; No high school (those big kids scare me!).  

I started accepted assignments carefully and discovered that I didn't hate it.  Oh I got stuck in a few math classes when I was asked to cover some classes other than the job I had accepted and those did not go well.  But no one was permanently injured and I learned that I really do hate math. Of course my favorite assignments are still in the library and in my former school.  I'm still remembered somewhat fondly by the kids there and this proves that absence really does make the heart grow fonder!
 

But I've learned a few things by being on the other side of the employment contract and I've learned that even though I like the kids in the classes, there are some schools that I just don't like and that I will avoid in the future. The rest of this blog post (rant) is really for my teacher friends so some of you can just stop reading now....unless you want the view of the classroom from the sub's point of view.
 

So here are my suggestions for teachers to keep in mind when preparing for a sub or encountering a substitute in your building

1.  All of us who are subbing appreciate a well written lesson plan and for the most part, the plans I have found are quite good. 

2.  If your lesson plans involve the use of technology (even something as simple as watching the morning announcements or taking lunch count) please leave the password for your computer and bookmark the site I need on the desktop. Also please do not assume that we know how to use your document camera and digital projectors.  There are many brands of these out there and they all operate slightly differently. Some of us are older and don't know how to use a smart board. Yes, I know that the kids can show us but we actually like to look slightly smarter than a second grade student.

3. Please leave the lunch and recess times in your plans. (Believe it or not, we can't always believe the kids).

4. Please ask your grade level buddies to check on us.  We need to know we are not alone.  The absolutely worst assignments are those in which the entire grade level is gone to attend training.  Then you have blind subs leading blind subs.  And you know that some subs are better than others....just like there are good teachers and great teachers.

5. Please leave plans for dismissal. All schools are different and we want to do it correctly for student safety.

6. (This is the big one) If you are a teacher and you see a sub in the hallway...BE NICE!  If we sit down at lunch with you, don't ignore us. Let us join in the conversation. We are generally nice people or we wouldn't be doing this.  Yes, I am more than likely older than you are but I still have most of my brain cells. I might even have some experience that might be helpful to you. If you cannot acknowledge that I exist, you can be fairly certain that I am going to find out who you are and that I probably won't take a subbing job for you.  If you cannot speak to me, you certainly don't value me enough to leave your students in my old and gnarled hands.. And if you do not value a good sub who will follow your plans to the best of her ability, that is a loss to your and your students.

I guess you can tell by point #6 that I have encountered some less than friendly teachers. It's the truth but it has also made me reflect on the way that I treated subs when I taught. I'm not talking about subs that I used...I probably left them way too many instructions. I'm talking about the way I interacted with random subs at lunch, dismissal, during hallway duty or at recess. And I'm certain I was guilty of the behaviors that I dislike the most....I'm sure that I did not make the effort to include them in the conversation...after all, I'll probably never see them again! I didn't offer to make sure that they knew how to use all of the equipment and I know I rolled my eyes and said something like, "what did you expect....she's a sub!" I did develop friendships with the subs who seemed to always be in our building  but I wonder if some good subs chose not to return because I wasn't as nice as I could have been. 

Being a substitute teacher isn't easy but I'm glad I decided to give it a try. I'll probably continue to do this part time job for a few years and I know I will be selective about the jobs I take. I won't change my mind about pre k, kindergarten, first grade, or high school (unless it's in the library).I don't wish illness on my library friends but I do wish they weren't so disgustingly healthy.  (I am assuming here that they actually have me as a preferred sub and that I did not do a bad job for them or that they did not like me when I worked with them and will not let me darken the door to their domain!)

 And you can be very sure that I will never knowingly take a math job!

How to get locked in a bank vault in a few easy lessons

Today I made a quick (at least that was the original plan) to the bank. I needed to retrieve my social security card from our safe deposit box so that I could complete my substitute teacher application for Birdville ISD. 

 Everything started out fine---doesn't it always? The young lady at the desk got me signed in and took me back to the vault. She unlocked the vault and we located the Dallinger treasure box which happens to be located behind the door, in the lowest row of boxes. Using both of our keys, we opened the box (no fanfare or sparkles appeared). 

I knew exactly where the treasured item was located in the box and told my young guide to wait just a minute and I'd be done and gone. She informed me that it was against policy for her to be in vault with me and ushered me across the hall to the private room. Her last words were, "Just holler when you are finished". 

I found what I needed and closed up my treasure box. The door to the vault was just slightly open so I slipped inside to put the box away.  Remember that the box is located behind the door on the bottom row.  I moved the door slightly and the momentum pulled the door closed with a thud. No worries, right? You can always get out of the room, right?  WRONG! 

I tried the door...nothing was moving.  I knocked on the glass of the door...no response. This vault is in the furthest corner of the bank building and the only thing near it is the children's area.  No kids in the bank today.

Ahh...but I am resourceful! I have a smart phone. I was pleased to find that I actually had a signal inside the vault....not like anywhere in Illinois where AT&T apparently has no signal at any time from any place.  Located the website for the bank and mentally recorded the branch phone number.  I was reviewing my "I'm locked in your vault speech" when the phone connected to the "this number is no longer in service" recording.  WTH??? Apparently the branch has changed it's phone number but failed to update the website....either that or I failed to remember the correct number.  We will never know which it was because just at that moment, the bank security deposit princess came to check on me! Turns out, she was supposed to close the door to the vault behind her when she escorted me to the private room.  So we both made some errors in judgement!

But it had a happy ending...I was freed and not left to starve in the vault.  My friends were saved from spending their time baking cakes with files inside. DH was not required to file a missing persons report and defend himself against their " person of interest" suspicions. 

My only regret is that I failed to take a selfie and to check in on Facebook from INSIDE the vault ....add that to my bucket list! 

A kid magnet

What is it about some people that make them kid magnets?  It seems that every time DH and I take Mr. Perfect somewhere, we are instantly "adopted" by random, stray children, usually little girls.  Maybe it's because DH has been told he looks like Santa and maybe it's because I am that "doughy" grandmother  but whatever the reason, we look like the Pied Piper whenever we step out in public.

Recently we stopped in at the Y pool so that Mr. Perfect could practice his skills. (No, he isnt't swimming endless laps like Unca Tim but he does need work on his "kickers".)  We had no sooner gotten into the deep water when we were befriended by two little girls.  One, aka Watch Me, just wanted an audience for her latest tricks.  The other, Chatty Cathy, had a lot to share about her favorite colors, pets, and family members.  Mr. Perfect was totally oblivious to the new additions as he practiced climbing in and out of the pool. (Elbow, elbow, tummy, knee, knee)  We were able to convince Watch Me that it was more efficient to swim without holding her nose so something positive came from this encounter...for her.  Chatty kept up a running commentary on all things important to a 5 year old until she suddenly stopped and gave me an odd look.  Then in her most concerned voice she said, "You have braces". I replied that yes, I do have braces.  Continuing in the concerned voice she asked, "what happened?"  I replied that I wanted to have a pretty smile like hers and that braces would help me to do that.   She patted my knee and "Bless your heart" which in the South and in this case meant something along the lines of....just keep believing no matter what the truth actually is.  She hung around for awhile longer and then swam off in search of other adults to chat with...preferably those with a more realistic outlook on life.

While we were "entertaining" our little entourage, where were their parents?  Chatty's mother stopped by briefly to be sure she wasn't bothering us. (What do you say to that? Yes, your kid is annoying me so please haul her off and play with her yourself?). Watch Me's parents never appeared to look up from their kindles on their shaded lounge chairs.  And that is the usual parental reaction. I find that very interesting given the over-the-top helicopter parents that are quoted in social media sharing their concerns over the world we live in where our children cannot play outside unsupervised.  I guess as long as they are in sight, the kids are safe. 

Luckily for these parents, their kids are safe with us and we have accepted our roles as kid magnets.  Maybe that's why we became teachers in the first place.

Abuela

Mr. Perfect and I go to the local public library every Tuesday for preschool story time. I loved doing this with AT son and Mr. Canada so I have been looking forward to introducing Mr. Perfect to the world of the public library. It has been semi-successful. I knew that I would be a harsh judge of any librarian's story time ability but I am trying to keep an open mind...and my mouth shut.

Ms Lisa is the children's librarian at our local branch and while she is quite nice, she needs a little more training in corralling the preschool audience. She does a great job with her format ....Mr. Perfect knows all of the verses of "Shake my sillies out" and "The more we get together" and will sing them at any moment.....at any moment that DOES NOT occur at the library.  He's not much of a joiner in the actual story time setting.  The books that she picks out are just too long for a group setting ... She loses her audience before we get to the middle of the story.  And the crafts are not always age appropriate (toddlers and beads are not a good combination.)

But in her defense she has a tough job.  There is no age limit at this story time so she has children from 18 months to 5 years old.  I've been there and done that...a toddler usually won't sit still for a book that a 5 year old will love and understand.  Story time is held in the multi-purpose room in the library....cold tile floor and absolutely no decorations.  She has no equipment..no easel, no technology and no props.  The parents stay with their children during story time which, for Ms Lisa, is a good thing.  The majority of the moms participate with their children but there is a group of young moms who seem to think this is their time to chat.  While they are busy discussing the events in the neighborhood, Ms Lisa is trying to read a story.  The moms aren't listening so their children don't either. These moms finally notice that their darlings are not paying attention so they break out the snacks and continue their conversations. So then the room becomes over-run with toddlers roaming the area clutching that new invention...squeezable tubes of fruit and vegetables.  I am not sure how I would handle this in Ms Lisa's place but I probably wouldn't have the job long!

There are a few grandparent types in attendance but these chatty moms look at us like we must be nannies. (In our neighborhood? Not likely!)  My favorite parents at story time are the young moms who have a limited command of the English language.  They absolutely love story time and do their best to keep their children attentive and respectful.  Mr, Perfect has become friendly with Alex, a very lively bilingual 3 year old.  Today Alex told Mr. Perfect that he needed to take his fingers out of his mouth. Adults have mentioned this before but never a peer... Mr. Perfect didn't know how to take this advice and seemed shocked that a short person would mention it. (He didn't remove said fingers from his mouth but the idea registered!).  When story time was over and we had picked out this week's library books, Mr. Perfect and I stopped at the puzzle center. They have a very nice collection of wooden puzzles spread out in the children's area.  We sat down to work on the insect one when Alex came running over.  I'm not sure how to describe how he squirmed onto my lap and slid Mr. Perfect off but no one was hurt in the process and MP didn't seem to mind. Alex's mother was mortified but he just looked up at her with a sweet smile and said "Abuela"  .  That pretty much confirmed it for me...Ms Lisa can keep her job...I'll just be happy being Nonie ... Or Abuela.

The case of the 60 year old metal mouth...or....There's no fool like an old fool

You see a happy Nonie.  I see one with bad teeth.

We all have some physical flaw or feature that we wish we could change. I have agonized over my crooked teeth for all of my teen and adult life.  It was easy to avoid photos until the digital age and for years I tried to convince myself that my teeth weren't really that bad...but they were and every photo showed it. My dear friends always have cameras at the ready and there is that ugly mouth in all of those memorable photos!  Since embarking on this journey, many kind friends have claimed to have never noticed this situation but they are just that...kind friends.

Believe it or not, braces actually existed during my teen years.  My parents took me to the orthodontist for that initial evaluation. I was allowed to sit in on the recommendation and financial part of the consultation and when it was over, the decision was left up to me. The orthodontist was a 45 mile trip to the big city of Peoria.  My dad worked second shift in East Peoria. My mom didn't drive. Dad would not be excited about making that trip twice in one day plus he had part-time morning jobs. My brother had his driver's license but no car.  Mom would have been forced to beg monthly rides from one relative or another...no mass transit. Plus there was the expense....we weren't poor but there wasn't a lot left over for luxuries and Dad's medical insurance didn't include dental at the time.  So...being the "pleaser" that I was (at the time) and realizing the hardships that braces would cause my family, I opted to live with my crooked smile.  No 12 year old should be asked or allowed to make such a decision but that's just the way it was.

I probably could have had braces later...after college...but DH and I were young marrieds and moving frequently with kmart.  We would never have been in one place long enough to complete the treatment. Then the boys came along and their needs were more important.  I made sure that they were not asked to make the ortho decisions....if braces were needed, they would (and did) have them.

Then retirement arrived.  I finally had the time and the money (thank you BISD for paying me for my unused sick days) to correct this flaw.  After consulting with my regular dentist, off I went to the orthodontist.  It's been two months now and at this point, I think it was a bad decision.  I thought I was ready for the pain....some days are worse than others.  And let's not even talk about my new best friend, dental wax. IMHO the braces look worse than the crooked teeth. But the worse part and the part for which I was unprepared is the fact that I cannot eat.  Taking a bite of something like a sandwich or a burger....not gonna happen.  In addition, the lower braces changed my bite so molding compound was added to give me something to bite against but chewing is a definite issue.  The list of foods I plan to eat again when this is over grows longer daily.  I'm tired of soup, yogurt, and pasta already and I have 22 more months left.  I've been told this will improve but it hasn't yet and I miss eating meat and salads. Oh...maybe I will drop some weight this way....but probably not because ice cream is something I can actually eat!

DH has been very supportive but even the king of patience is growing annoyed with the situation.  He did not sign on for a life of pasta and soft foods.  DIL and AT son are understanding but with little miss on the way, they have other concerns and what can they do anyway other than advise me to look to the future?  Canadian son has been against the idea from the beginning, calling it nonsense. He seems to think that I should have just "let it go" a long time ago and my teeth were really not that bad. (But then again, he sees no need for furniture so how can I trust his opinion?)

I have come very close to having the dentist remove the brackets and wires and calling a halt to the whole process.  He is very nice but determined that I should have the smile that I have always wanted so we compromised on 6 months. If I don't see improvement in 6 months and am still unable to eat like a semi-normal adult, we will revisit the removal decision.

So....here is my advice to any adult considering orthodontic braces....unless it is a health issue such as jaw or headache pain, don't do it.  I hope I feel differently about it down the road but right now I feel like you may find my withered body alongside that road...but with straight teeth.  And I want a bacon cheeseburger with fries before I am eligible for Medicare!

More learning experiences with Mr. Perfect

DIL had a business meeting out of town this week and since Athletic Trainer Son is still on driving restriction, we were lucky enough to be able to play host to Mr. Perfect for a few days.  And we all learned alot...

MP learned that if you claim to be sad when it is time for bed, Nonie will let you sleep in her bed instead of in the crib.
NONIE learned, once again, that she is a push-over.

MP learned that Nonie will not let you eat goldfish crackers for breakfast.
NONIE learned that she needs to provide a wider variety of cereal choices and that she needs to find another place to store the goldfish stash.

MP learned that if you put up enough of a fight about changing out of your pajamas, Nonie will hand you the IPad so that you can play your games.
NONIE learned, once again, that she is a push-over.

MP learned that Nonie's bed is pretty comfy.
NONIE learned that MP likes to sleep with his head pushed up against something, (usually Nonie) and that the preferred way to sleep in a big bed is horizontally.  She learned the a midnight kick to the face does hurt but does not always produce a black eye.  She also learned that a 2-year-old takes up a large amount of space in the bed.

MP learned that it is great fun to play Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed on Nonie's bed.
OPA learned that he should give careful thought to what he is teaching Mr. Perfect.

MP learned that little boys are not allowed in the sewing room (AKA the sweat shop).
NONIE learned that no sewing will occur while MP is visiting.

MP learned that it is difficult to keep the elderly entertained.
NONIE learned why God gives toddlers to younger parents.

Visit to Banff...part 2

Another bright and sunny day in Banff and it was our day to hit the slopes.  We are not skiers and both of us felt that at our ages, learning to ski might be a little difficult.  Plus we were worried about the danger to our brittle bones.  But we wanted to enjoy the snow so we did our research and discovered that some of the local ski centers offer snow tubing hills.  The photos and videos on the internet made it look like a good adventure so we decided to check it out.  Our first stop was Mount Norquay.  This tube park had 5 runs and we were really excited to give it a go.  Unfortunately it was not to be...the "magic carpet" that hauls you and your tube back up to the top of the run was broken.  They offered us the opportunity to climb back up the hill under our own power and we considered it (for about 10 seconds) until we watched a group of fit teenagers struggle up the hill pulling their tubes.  Neither of us were convinced that we could do it so we went in search of another ski resort with tubing.

We found one in Lake Louise...the Sunny Tube Park at the Lake Louise Ski Resort.  This tubing area was smaller with only two runs but the magic carpet was working and the price was right!  I was concerned that we would be the oldest folks at the tube park or at the very least, the only ones without little children.  Surprisingly everyone on the hill was our age.  Many of them were non-skiers who opted to tube while the rest of the family hit the slopes with their skis or snowboards.

We hadn't been sledding in over 20 years and it was just as much fun as I remembered...more maybe because we didn't have to climb back up the hill!  It was a blast!  And during our rides up the magic carpet, we got to watch ski school.  Little four and five year old kids learning to ski...great people watching for sure.  And the preteens trying to master their snowboarding skills were even better.  Made me wish that I was younger, in better shape and had stronger bones!

 

After several hours at Lake Louise, we returned to Banff and checked out Banff Upper Hot Springs.  These mineral rich pools are naturally heated to 104 degrees.  I was hoping that the atmosphere would be more grotto-like but instead, it was a large tiled swimming pool.  But no matter....the water felt great and the sensation of being in that hot water while the steam rises and the snow flurries down was something entirely new to us.  I highly recommend it!  Much better than a hot tub!